CURED

We are not cured.

But, we are freed up.

I have had people ask me, “Heidi, why do you still call yourself an alcoholic when you don’t drink anymore?” 

Because we are never cured of this disease—dis-EASE. Admitting to myself that drinking is not my solution anymore, keeps me in today. It is a process. I get to continue this path of sobriety and protect it like I would my physical condition with exercise. I need to do something every day to exercise and maintain my sobriety to keep it strong. 

Meeting and connecting with others is one of the best ways of doing that. I have never been comfortable calling alcoholism a disease. But I do know that when you have a disease, you have to actively treat it. Some diseases have a cure, but this disease does not. It is a lifelong effort of treatment for me. I have a dis-EASE with others and with life. My tendency is to check out or withdraw. That is not a treatment solution. My treatment involves reconnecting and engaging with life that helps me not withdraw and check out.

My saying that “I am an alcoholic in recovery,” says to others that I am like them and we are on this path of recovery together. We can’t do it alone. My thinking is still flawed. Talking with others and getting crazy thoughts out of my head and onto paper, helps me organize my thoughts. Helps me decide which of those thoughts serve me and which don’t—that I can discard. Saying it out loud in meetings helps take the power out of it for me.

I have little phrases or mantras to keep me focused. One of them is “look up.” I can get focused on obsessing about all I am doing, staying self-centered. Or I can look up and around me where I might be of service to another, taking the focus off of me. Then, I look up further to focus on God and what is not mine to fix or change—”pray up.” Praying for God’s will for me and asking for the power to carry that out. 

Another phrase I use on myself is, “just show up.” Sometimes I don’t want to be with people or I don’t feel “on” so I want to cancel a commitment. I can’t. That starts the process backward of hiding or checking out. I have to show up, whether I want to or not. Sometimes it is just what I need to stay sober and reconnect for that day.

I am not cured or fixed. I am still working on me. God is working on me. The difference now is that I am not drinking and fully present for that to happen. Try these treatments that I use, for yourself today.

Look up.

Show up.

Meet up.

Pray up.

“Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security.”

Jeremiah 33:6

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CLEAN UP

I took this photo from a bus window as we were driving down the streets of Lusaka, Zambia. The phrase that popped up in my head when I saw this was, “Cleaning up my side of the street.”

It is a phrase we use in the AA program. It involves cleaning up the path I am walking on after getting sober. Clearing the path of wreckage I created while drinking and using. This is usually associated with Step 9 and the amends process. Making amends to those I harmed while in my addiction. When we wake up to the fact that there was a wake of destruction that involved all those around us—not just ourselves—there was clean up to do.

The 4th step is about listing all the people we had resentments for and dealing with that. Then, keeping that list of people for later in step 9, where we get to make amends to some of those for whom we held resentments and had harmed. One of the biggest parts for me in the 4th step process of listing my resentments was asking, “what was MY part in this?” Such a big question.

Ownership and accountability.

Whoops, we have some clean up to do. That’s where the brooms come out. Clearing my path—what behaviors I can change and things I can do differently going forward. In this process, it is easy to play the blame game, “if they had not done this, I would not have done that.” This is victim mode and not accountability. That is where cleaning up my side of the street becomes really important.

Not your side of the street. Pointing the finger “over there”—playing the victim. I don’t have enough brooms to clean up my side and your side. And—it’s not my job. That’s between you and God. Someone said to me in a meeting, “Gods business, my business and none of my business.”—your side of the street, none of my business. I have to stay on my side of the street.

Own what I can and let go of the rest.

My part, that’s all I can control.

Clean up my side of the street.

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.”

James 5:16

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ODAT

One day at a time.

Last Monday I had 7000 days of sobriety. Still counting the days after nineteen years. Not counting the years, that’s too scary. We don’t have the past and the future has not happened. Staying in sobriety today it is all we have.

My husband, Dick, creates a little number for me every day on a small piece of paper that I carry in my pocket. It represents the number of days I have been sober. This is the most precious piece of jewelry I own and wear every day that you’d never notice unless you ask to see it.

Dick has made these numbers for me since day one. What a beautiful commitment from him to me. And, me to him.

Accountability.

I know that some alcoholics in recovery may not have that kind of support, but we do have each other on this path of sobriety—alcoholics together staying sober one day at a time—talking to each other, keeping each other accountable. We help each other make our sobriety the number one priority in our lives.

If I don’t have my sobriety, I don’t have anything that is precious in my life.

You help me, by telling me and telling others your number of days of sobriety. We all need to hear it.You earn it each day, just by showing up for yourself and others.

Sober.

Restored.

Today.

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”

Psalm 90:12

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JUST WAIT LONGER

"If I’m not back in five minutes…just wait longer.” Jim Carey —Ace Ventura: Pet Detective:  

I love this line. It's funny because it is a great philosophy. 

One of the biggest tricks I learned when I got sober was to press the pause button (just wait longer). This works for most of my destructive thoughts, actions, and behaviors, not just drinking. My brain wants to do whatever it thinks, right now—which gets me in trouble in most cases. 

When I am busy reacting and acting out of self-defense, I usually choose the wrong path. When something comes to mind, it’s not always prudent to act on it. When my behaviors are negatively impacting my day, it’s time to regroup and choose a new way.

Now, I pause—pray for God to guide and direct my thinking, then wait patiently for clearer thinking on the next right thing to do. 

It usually works. Try it.

• Pause.

• Pray.

• Wait.

Then, do the next right thing.

“The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.”

Lamentations 3:25

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WHO'S RESCUING WHO?

This is the feeling I get when hugging a struggling alcoholic when they first get sober. That feeling of comforting them while in that same moment receiving the richness for myself of being of service to another human being.

That’s when I ask, “Who is rescuing who, here?”

It’s me that is being helped.

God doesn’t always give us what we want—how we want it, but He does give us what we need when we need it. God has placed women in my life to sponsor who have taught me so much. If I am willing, I am teachable. This was not a trait I possessed while self-medicating. You could not tell me anything I didn’t already know. Stubborn. Ears slammed shut.

Whew, I’m glad that is not my attitude today.

Now, I can’t wait to hear what you have to say.

I know now, that God is speaking to me through you. But I have to pay attention and listen to hear Him...through you!

“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”

Jeremiah 33:3

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SURRENDER TO WIN

The toughest things in life that we have to face can be where God does his richest work. At the end of my drinking, I could not do it anymore on my own. I had to surrender. It felt like surrender was “giving up” when, in fact, it was the first step in gaining power back.

Surrender to Win.

A paradox.

The dictionary definition of Paradox: “a statement that is seemingly contradictory or opposed to common sense and yet is perhaps true”

This is how alcohol was for me. I felt like alcohol made it easier for me to be me. But the truth was that it took me farther away from the real me and from God. When I finally surrendered and admitted that I was powerless over alcohol, I had finally won. Surrendering to God’s will is not giving up power, but gaining power so that His light will shine in us and through us and light the path for others as well.

The paradox is that we become more powerful when we surrender. The power is there at our disposal at all times. All we have to do is surrender to gain power.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

DYNAMIC PATIENCE

What?

When I think of having patience, I think of being static. Stuck. Until something happens to take me out of waiting. But, patience is not necessarily static, being stuck or waiting.

Definition of Patience: 1) bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint; 2) steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity. 3) not hasty or impetuous

Definition of Static: 1) of or relating to bodies at rest or forces in equilibrium. 2) showing little change

Definition of Dynamic: marked by usually continuous and productive activity or change 2) of or relating to physical force or energy. 3) an underlying cause of change or growth.

Aha! There it is. “Dynamic: an underlying cause of change or growth.”

Patience can be dynamic: “Steadfast despite opposition, difficulty or adversity—this being the underlying cause of change or growth.”

God is growing me even when I don’t know it or see Him doing it—like the photo of this sprout—I can’t see what’s happening under the dirt for this growth to come about above the surface—that I get to finally see. How awesome is that? The best part about it is that I can choose to trust God and turn my will over especially when I feel stuck. Keep praying for HIS will and continue waiting.

My sobriety is a process. Patience has never been my “strong suit” as my mother always said. And, I find this hilarious how my husband views patience when he says, “I can’t wait to have patience!”

I can choose to view my patience as dynamic, moving and growing me—even when I can’t see it happening.

Make sense?

“Can anyone hide out in a corner where I can’t see him?” God’s Decree. “Am I not present everywhere, whether seen or unseen?” God’s Decree.”

Jeremiah 23:24 (The Message)

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TRUST THE PROCESS

I heard this in a meeting the other day, “Trust the process, reinvention can be painful.”

It is so easy to focus on all of the pain and upset happening through our growth process. Sometimes it feels like we will never get to the other side of this…whatever it is.

When we get sober, we reinvent ourselves. Nothing is the same. We don’t hang out with our drinking buddies anymore, we meet new sober friends. We have more time because we’re not spending time acquiring the alcohol, drinking it, then getting rid of the evidence. How do we do everything without the safe escape of alcohol to numb when it gets hard? How do we live without it? How do we celebrate victory? Cry and grieve with loss?—especially when they are delivered in the same moment?

How do we reinvent ourselves without the alcohol or drugs defining everything we do. How we respond to life’s challenges?

This reinventing ourselves process can be painful. 

Our daily experiences show us the way. Each day. Each day brings something we need to face. Starting with gratitude helps. When we experience that we CAN get through that one thing without alcohol, our brain records that little victory. Gathering up little victories, one by one, we see it is possible—day by day

Going to meetings and listening how others have done it and learning new ways of handling situations. Praying and asking for God’s help for strength. Sometimes just “feeling” something for the first time without numbing it is scary. Pressing through and getting to the other side of that—Baby steps. Knowing that we CAN. Journal-writing became a healing balm for me.

We have to trust the process along the way. Becoming this new person without alcohol is scary and exciting at the same time. Scary because at first, we don’t know this new person (me) or way of thinking and living—but exciting to find we that we start to like our new selves. 

Death and loss took me to the bottom of my drinking. I have faced death in sobriety and have learned how not to take a drink through it. To move forward and celebrate today’s victory (being sober) in the face of loss, is good. If we look at it another way, being sober through the tough stuff gives others the hope they need to know they can do it too. If we show that we DON’T have to turn to alcohol for the solution, it’s one more victory for us, and hope for others to do the same. 

I used to hate routine. Boring. Same. Monotonous. Now, I count on it. It is stability in my life. It is in the routine of our shared experience staying sober together, where we find the assurance that life continues whether we are happy or sad. We don’t have to change the way we feel by drinking to cope.

I am not sure how anybody goes through this life without faith in God. I do know that God is in the meeting rooms of AA. I see it every day. I have seen atheists come to faith in the rooms, I have seen healing in the rooms. And there is not judgment. God gives us strength to bear the suffering, and in the peace of that strength, lives the joy.

Joy of celebrating our victories even in sadness. 

I never thought that was possible.

But, it is.

Trust the process.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

James 1:2-4

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DOGS GET IT.

Dog commands: (human suggestions:)

Drop it. (Stop alcohol or drugs.)

Leave it. (Keep doing that each day.)

Come. (Come to meetings.)

Sit. (Sit in meetings and listen.)

Stay. (Stay until it becomes habit.)

Wait. (Wait for the miracle—and there is one.)

Heel (Heal). (Heal—witness your healing and others around you.)

This is an illustration of what happens when we get sober. It’s a simple program, but it’s not easy. If we can take a lesson from dogs and pay attention to our Master, we will get the treat.

Don’t quit five minutes before the miracle.

“Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool…here a great number of disabled people used to lie…One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”

John 5:2-6

(The man gives an excuse…)

“Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.”

John 5:8-9

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M.E.S.S.

I am grateful and humbled today.

I recently celebrated 19 years of sobriety—6,942 days in a row. Still counting the days.

My husband makes a little number like this that I have carried in my pocket every day since I got sober. My step-son gave me my 19-year chip—accountability and support from immediate family.

I also connect to the broader recovery community to get the next level of accountability and support. We just came off of a wonderful vacation with family for the last two weeks. I didn’t get to any meetings during that time. Just getting back to my routine of four meetings a week. So, I am missing them—like the air that I breathe. It’s such a part of who I am now.

Thank you to all those living this sobriety life with me. You know who you are. And, to those not here yet, I am saving a seat for you.

Because—you are now my mission. 

M—Mission

E—Evident

S—Since

S—Sobriety

Out of my mess came my purpose. Service. Helping others to live sober and stay sober. And, now, I can help lead the way for others out of loneliness and darkness of addiction. 

I am praying for you to join us (even though I don’t know you yet)

You will join the good sober life.

Then you will help others do the same.

" For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.”

Philippians 2:13

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LETTING GO OF DETAILS

I am a control freak.

I think if I can control the details of everything, it will all be ok, right?

Wrong.

I find that I can wrap my brain around so many details that there is NO room for the spiritual light to come in and work its magic.

“Be still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10

That's where this verse comes into my mind. I find that I am closer to people, to animals, to nature and to God when I free my mind of details of this world.

God can’t be invited into my life to sit down and have a conversation when I am so busy with other thoughts and “to-do’s” taking up space in my head.

If I have difficulty with this, I pray for release of not needed information and details. Praying only for the knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry that out.

Then—and only then, will I know peace.

“Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.”

Genesis 9:16

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SEE ONE. DO ONE. TEACH ONE.

I love this phrase.

My husband shared with me that in his dental school, his professors taught by this method:

“See one. Do one. Teach one.” This is such a great way for learning a new procedure and having the knowledge actually stick. I was thinking of this method in regards to my sobriety and how to:

Get sober. Be Sober. Stay Sober.

SEE ONE: Go to meetings. See another alcoholic who is sober and do what they do. Listen and learn. Connect. Keep showing up.

DO ONE: This is where we get to do it ourselves—actually live sober. Do the work. Get a sponsor. Work the 12 Steps. Connect with other through meetings. Pray and stay connected to God. Repeat daily.

TEACH ONE: Service—the fastest way out of my own selfish thinking is to help another in need. Reaching out that helping hand. It is essentially the spirit of the 12th step. “ Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” To carry the message of how to stay sober to another suffering soul. Just like someone did for me. Sponsorship. Yes, that is what I do now. Shine the light for others.

Now it’s your turn.

Go teach another how to do this sober life by showing them the way.

Get sober. Be Sober. Stay Sober.

“Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you may also be tempted.”

Galatians 6:1

SOBRIETY SHOWS

I was in an early meeting and heard a young man telling his recovery story. He was celebrating 8-years sober that day. As we all listened he got to the part where alcohol was not working for him anymore. He told of a friend getting him to a meeting and he heard what he needed to hear.

He talked about knowing the “look” of another alcoholic, identifying those things with his own experiences and behaviors. He said that he noticed one of his friends in sobriety becoming…

Less sweaty.

Less red in the face.

Less angry.

It caught my attention that he noticed. He saw what sobriety looked like. He wanted that. When we sit in meetings and tell our stories, the new people are watching. They can see change and want to know how we got sober and stayed sober.

Here’s how:

• Stop drinking today.

• Ask for help.

• Pray for strength.

• Join us in meetings.

• Get a sponsor.

• Work the 12 steps.

• Be in service.

• Stay grateful.

• Show others the way.

We’ll be here when you are ready.

You in?

“Put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.”

Ephesians 4:22-24

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WILLFUL BLINDNESS

It came to me the other day that my drinking was willful blindness. Mindless decisions. Drink. Have fun and not think. Then oblivion. 

What is willful blindness?

“Turning a blind eye to the truth in order to feel safe, to avoid conflict, reduce anxiety and fear.”

I can identify with all of those things. Reaching for alcohol was the easy way to avoid any kind of pain associated with facing conflict, anxiety and fear. It was easy for a while. Temporary solution. Then it wasn’t.

When I woke to reality again, I realized that I had solved nothing. All I had done was make my body suffer, postpone thoughts, reinforced my fears, created MORE anxiety, and worst of all, the conflict was still there. Addiction defies logic. 

Isolation became the only way I felt safe. This cycle continued for many years, until it didn’t feel real anymore. I was looking at the world from a very lonely place. I knew that God had more for me and this couldn’t be my ultimate purpose. I didn’t know how to live my life without alcohol. People ask, “Can’t you just stop?"

If I could have stopped on my own, I would have. 

The only way out for me was surrender to God. “God help me. I can’t do this without you.”

If I had known it was as simple as handing over the car keys to God, I may have done it sooner in my life. I had been wrestling with God for so many years. I wanted to be in HIS WILL, but how was I to know that would work. All I could see was me. Wasn’t it up to me? My own will and choice in all matters. God gave us free will, right? Wasn’t “turning it over to God” abdicating any responsibility for what should be my choice? 

No—Exactly the opposite. When I finally turned my will over to God and asked for His help, I was relieved of that bondage of self. The power I gained to go forward and partner in my thinking with God, was astounding. The magic of this is that you don’t get to know that and truly experience the force of the power that is available to you until you trust. Trust that God will show up. Be there to help.

Try it. I did.

And, my life has not been the same since the day I turned my will over to God. The obsession to drink, or do anything to avoid feeling pain, has been lifted. My power source to move into God’s Will has been effortless. Oh, I forget that I am not in control, for sure. I have to say the Third Step Prayer to remind myself each day.

This prayer helps me step out of God’s way so I can be of service to others:

Third Step Prayer

God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always! Amen

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10

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THE SECRET TO MY SOBRIETY?

The secret to my sobriety is that my sobriety is not a secret!

How can we educate people about this epidemic of addiction if nobody talks about it? How can we help save those who don’t know there is a solution, if they don’t have a model to follow?

Those still struggling with their addiction need to see evidence that people can and do recover.

I want to be that evidence.

Secrets—keep the addiction firmly in place. Telling the truth—brings our addictions into the light and helps take the power out of it—giving us a chance at recovery.

There are definitely issues with anonymity, yes, I get it and honor that. However, I am out there with my own sobriety. I am so grateful and hope that by opening my mouth about my recovery, I just might help somebody else too—which is the end goal for me—To tell the truth, be grateful to God, stay sober and help others to do the same.

This excerpt below is from the back of my first book, “Free Beer Tomorrow”:

____________________________________________________________________
The secret to my sobriety is that my sobriety is not a secret!

Addiction is shrouded in secrecy, lies and darkness. Separation from God.

Sobriety is staying in the light of the truth.

My prayer is that this book provides hope and inspiration for you if you are seeking to break the bonds of addiction and become the person God meant you to be.

If this book can touch one heart, help save one soul, and lead someone back to the path where they will find God—then it has served its purpose.

You are important. Life is now.

Step into the Light. Ask God for help this moment.

I did and I am forever grateful for His Grace.
____________________________________________________________________

“Humble yourself before the Lord and He will lift you up.”

James 4:10

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DEMOLITION

I was sitting in a women’s recovery meeting last Monday morning. I turned around to look outside at the noise happening. Not eight-feet away, was a large excavator in the process of demolishing the condemned portable building right next to us. 

It was loud, but necessary for a new, replacement building we are planning for the future. Tearing down walls, crushing mold-filled ceilings, clearing out the wreckage, stripping it down to the foundation.

My friend leaned over and said, “Heidi, I can hear your brain writing your blog for this week!”

I giggled because she was not wrong.

I couldn’t help but see the metaphor with recovery. There I was in the room next to all of this destruction, sitting in the safety of a recovery meeting. The comparison was undeniable. I remember walking into the first meeting ever 6,905 days ago feeling fear, but so ready to change and start over. 

Yes, it took courage to walk through those doors the first time, but not half as much courage as it takes to do the work of sobriety—The demolition of old ways was required, the process of recovery, then restoration.

Demolition. Recovery. Restoration.

All necessary what was going on outside my window—and necessary for the room that I was in, too. Recovery from any addiction requires the demolition of old behaviors, ways of thinking and ideas we have about how we live in the world. The tearing down of walls. Looking inside and discovering moldy patterns that don’t serve us. Clearing the wreckage of our past, right down to the foundation. 

Hard and painful work. I found this work was impossible to do alone. If I had been able to get sober on my own power, I would have done so. It’s why I continue to sit in the rooms of recovery meetings. To listen to how others face the hard and painful things and find a way through—together. Also impossible for me without God. I didn’t see a way through the mess until I admitted I was powerless and surrendered the wreckage to God. I asked Him to show me the way. Day by day—one messy-step-at-a-time.

Then, with God’s help, I was able to start the process of recovery, building from the foundation back up to restoration. 

• The 12-steps are the concrete tools for reconstruction.

• Our sponsor is the general contractor, guiding our rebuild process. 

• Other people in recovery in the rooms are the construction workers next to us wearing their own construction safety vests and hard hats. 

• God is the shield for our hearts in prayer. 

I love this life-long recovery process.

It takes work, but it’s worth it.

Won’t you join me?

“Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds.”

Hosea 6:1

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THY WILL BE DONE

I love The Lord’s Prayer. We say it at the end of many of our AA meetings.

I made an interesting connection between that prayer and the 12 steps of AA. I would love to share that revelation with you—phrase by phrase.

Here we go—Step by Step and the connection to the prayer. First, the prayer.

THE LORD’S PRAYER:

“Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy Name, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the Kingdom, and the Power and the Glory for ever and ever. Amen”

___________________________________________________________

THE STEP: Step 1 We admitted that we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.

THE LORD’S PRAYER: “Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy Name.”

THE CONNECTION: Admitting we are not in power and God is.

___________________________________________________________

THE STEP: Step 2 Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

THE LORD’S PRAYER: “Thy Kingdom come.”

THE CONNECTION: We came to know that we COULD be restored.

___________________________________________________________

THE STEP: Step 3 Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him.

THE LORD’S PRAYER: “Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.”

THE CONNECTION: We turned our will over to God.

___________________________________________________________

THE STEP (S): Step 4 Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Step 5 Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Step 6 Became willing to have God remove all of our defects of character. Step 7 Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

THE LORD’S PRAYER: “Give us this day our daily bread.”

THE CONNECTION: “Our daily bread” being the provision and help we receive with working steps 4 through 7—searching ourselves, truth-telling, reviewing what is not working, and staying humble.

___________________________________________________________

THE STEP: Step 8 Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. Step 9 Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

THE LORD’S PRAYER: “And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

THE CONNECTION: These two steps—8 and 9— about amending our behaviors and forgiveness

___________________________________________________________

THE STEP: Step 10 Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

THE LORD’S PRAYER: “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”

THE CONNECTION: Continue the path of searching, although we will be tempted.

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THE STEP: Step 11 Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, asking only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

THE LORD’S PRAYER: “For Thine is the Kingdom”

THE CONNECTION: Continue acknowledging our relationship with God.

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THE STEP: Step 12 Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry the message to others who still suffer, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

THE LORD’S PRAYER: “And the Power and the Glory for ever and ever. Amen.”

THE CONNECTION: The spiritual awakening to our new power through God, to help ourselves and then to help others.

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I pray that you feel the spiritual connection as I did.

“But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen.”

Matthew 6:6

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RICH BEYOND BELIEF

We have a saying in our family when something wonderful happens—

“We are rich beyond belief.”

And, it doesn’t have anything to do with money. 

Although, the origin of the exclamation came from a cute scenario. My niece and nephew were around 6-years-old. We were walking through a casino in Tahoe on our way to dinner with the whole family. My brother had stopped to drop some coins in a slot machine. He hit a $300 jackpot, then stopped and collected. We kept going to get the kids through the casino and to the restaurant. 

My nephew turned to his cousin and said with glee, “We are rich beyond belief!” We all busted out laughing at his father’s “enormous fortune,” and it has been a phrase we have all said ever since to describe our rich blessings.

This Sunday, my oldest grandson is graduating from college. We will be there. There was a time when he was little and I was still drinking that my step-son was toying with the idea of not letting me babysit my grandson because of my drinking. He told me so after I got sober.

I am happy to say that my three grandsons have never seen me drink and hopefully, never will. I have been present for all of their lives because I got sober. I would have missed it all—

I am rich beyond belief.

I am sober today by the grace of God with 6,890 days.

You can do this life sober, too.

Try it—You will be rich beyond belief.

"I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people.”

Ephesians 1:18

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EXPECTATIONS

Expectations are planned disappointments.

Think about it.

If we go into any given situation with expectations of what should happen, we set ourselves up for disappointment if we don’t get the expected outcome. It didn’t turn out how I expected (or wanted it to.) I was constantly setting myself up for failure. What a great excuse to check out—it didn’t go my way.

On the other hand, when you put your trust and faith in God you can expect that He will be with you and guide your thinking.

How do I stop my brain from expecting what I want and shift my thinking over to being in God’s will?

I have to say, “I am ready for this experience and will accept the outcome, whatever that is.” No expectations. Then pray and trust God for the result. I don’t have to like it, but I do get to look for the gifts along the way, and there are many.

In Step Nine of the Twelve Steps, we get to make amends. It is an exercise in apologizing for behaviors we did in our addiction and not expecting anything back.

It is about what damage I caused. The “I” message. I am sorry for this. No expectations for a certain response from them. My part only—taking ownership of what part I played in the destruction of my relationships because of my addiction behaviors.

Just because something is true, doesn’t mean it needs to be said. Sometimes those truths will be revealed later by God or by some other circumstance that brings it to light. The important thing in the amends process is to apologize for our own behavior and take responsibility for that going forward.

In the amends process, we have to also consider what our motivation is going into the amends. And—what our expectations will be coming out. Being careful not to set ourselves up for disappointment when the person does not respond how we want them to. It has to be clean. “I am sorry for this.” The end.

They may be thankful for your apology. They may not be ready to hear your apology. They may still be in upset about what was done. They may not accept it or—downright reject it. All of those responses are possible.

If we go in without expectations, we are free. That IS God’s will for us.

When you learn to live without expectations, everything is a gift.

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

2 Timothy 1:7

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ATTA BOY!

My husband has been doing a project inside our house that has taken a while. Sanding, spackling and painting on a ladder. It’s not out of his wheelhouse—just time-consuming.

There was a particularly hard spot to get to that was tight behind a spiral staircase. He had to scratch his head and think a long time about how to get there to get the job done. He dreamed of tools to get to the area. Finally, he created and built a new tool to clean the area and then built another tool to paint the hard-to-reach area.

When he was finished, he bounded into my office with a big smile on his face and said, “You have to come here. I need to show you what I did and I need your Atta Boy!”

Of course, I skipped behind him to see what he accomplished. We were both overjoyed at the accomplishment. “Atta Boy, Dick!” He had not only accomplished this difficult task, but devised new ways of attacking the problem. He had built new tools to help him along the way.

Sound familiar?—It reminded me of how this applies to sobriety.

When we finally decide to get sober, we all need “Atta boys” in our recovery journey. This is what the recovery chips are all about. The chips we give out to celebrate various lengths of sobriety are our way of encouraging each other along the way. Your sobriety becomes my sobriety. In standing with you along the way, I am investing in your sobriety time, and you in mine. Then, we get to turn around, get outside ourselves, and show others how we did it. Help them build new tools along the way that serve them better.

We get to shine the light on this new path for others and shout “Atta Boy!” (or girl) when they receive their chip. It may be for 24 hours or 24 years. The journey is shared together.

Thanks to all who have encouraged me along the way while we walk this path together.

A very special family member (not my husband) is celebrating 12-years today.

You know who you are :))))))

Atta Boy!

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."

1 Thessalonians 5:11

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