Expectations are planned disappointments.
Think about it.
If we go into any given situation with expectations of what should happen, we set ourselves up for disappointment if we don’t get the expected outcome. It didn’t turn out how I expected (or wanted it to.) I was constantly setting myself up for failure. What a great excuse to check out—it didn’t go my way.
On the other hand, when you put your trust and faith in God you can expect that He will be with you and guide your thinking.
How do I stop my brain from expecting what I want and shift my thinking over to being in God’s will?
I have to say, “I am ready for this experience and will accept the outcome, whatever that is.” No expectations. Then pray and trust God for the result. I don’t have to like it, but I do get to look for the gifts along the way, and there are many.
In Step Nine of the Twelve Steps, we get to make amends. It is an exercise in apologizing for behaviors we did in our addiction and not expecting anything back.
It is about what damage I caused. The “I” message. I am sorry for this. No expectations for a certain response from them. My part only—taking ownership of what part I played in the destruction of my relationships because of my addiction behaviors.
Just because something is true, doesn’t mean it needs to be said. Sometimes those truths will be revealed later by God or by some other circumstance that brings it to light. The important thing in the amends process is to apologize for our own behavior and take responsibility for that going forward.
In the amends process, we have to also consider what our motivation is going into the amends. And—what our expectations will be coming out. Being careful not to set ourselves up for disappointment when the person does not respond how we want them to. It has to be clean. “I am sorry for this.” The end.
They may be thankful for your apology. They may not be ready to hear your apology. They may still be in upset about what was done. They may not accept it or—downright reject it. All of those responses are possible.
If we go in without expectations, we are free. That IS God’s will for us.
When you learn to live without expectations, everything is a gift.
“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”
2 Timothy 1:7
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