NEVER TOO OLD

You are never too old to get sober.

The “age thing” is kicking my butt. And—I know it’s because I am “letting” it. Not physically, but mentally framing it in my mind—Feeling old, not needed, not relevant anymore, old ideas, people have moved on, not making a difference…

I know this is not true. It’s all in my head. 

I can FLIP these around in my brain in an instant from victim-mentality to productive and encouraging thoughts:

Feeling old—Feelings are not facts.

Not relevant—Making a difference

Old ideas —Wisdom of experience

I am not always able to do this brain flip for myself. A while back, this colleague heard me speak in a business meeting about how I was working with others to create a youth recovery meeting. Hard task on many levels. I said, “The kids don’t want old people like me in the room, they want their own age group.”

He encouraged me right away by saying his experience. His son was telling him how he valued the older generation’s wisdom and how his son sought it out. Then, this week, that same friend sent an encouraging email to me. These were the words that jumped out at me:

"I often think about our brief conversation about youth and who they are looking to spend time with. I want to encourage you to keep going and invest in the younger generation. You have so much to offer, and your love and experiences are what they need. No age disqualifies us. We only disqualify ourselves when we believe we are no longer relevant in the eyes of others.”

This hit me that it is so much like my sobriety meetings. We are not disqualified. We get to make a difference in our meetings just showing up for the new person getting sober, no matter the age. Show them the way and encourage them that sobriety can indeed be achieved.

As others have done before me.

I didn’t get sober until I was 50 years old, and I now have 7,767 days of sobriety—over 21 years. My life since getting sober has been about God using me to lead and show the way for others trying to get sober, making a difference and sharing the wisdom of experience.

You can do this too. Come alongside another struggling alcoholic and show them it can be done— together.

I love this little 3-sentence thought:

Know the way.

Go the way.

Show the way.

“He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them His way.”

Psalm 25:9

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SPIRITUAL FITNESS

What is spiritual fitness?

It’s like physical fitness, which requires a work out, only with your mind!  

And, I’m not talking about over-thinking or Thinking our way out of a situation—neither of those. It does require our minds to change our mindset and perspective.

The other day, I heard a friend talk about feeling spiritually homeless— I am sure we have all felt that way at some point. Alcohol only enhances this feeling, or state of being. We are born with that natural feeling of needing something outside of ourselves to complete ourselves, spiritually, mentally and physically. As if we are missing something—That is the feeling of spiritual homelessness. 

I searched for a spiritual home here in the physical world through alcohol. The world could not complete me or validate me. I held on for a long while, but was still missing something. Eventually, it was not enough. I knew God before I got sober, but wasn’t talking to God and exercising that relationship muscle. I could not stop drinking and get sober on my own. Well, if I could have gotten sober on my own, I would have. But, I needed more. 

I was far from home. I needed a spiritual fitness. A friend the other day talked about learning of God growing up in church and then, falling away as a young adult. But there is a homing instinct aspect of spirituality, that once we get the addiction out of the way (the physical) we have access to our own spirituality once again and we instinctively know where to return for that feeling of HOME.

That home for me is God.

This is not a one-time deal. It takes active participation. Daily. Ongoing.

"What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities.” Page 85 of The Big Book of AA

In the scripture at the bottom, it talks about being alert and sober-minded. The enemy (alcohol) is doing push ups behind the scenes ready to pounce in the form of relapse. What are you doing today for your spiritual fitness? Metaphorically speaking, what kind of mental push ups are you doing for your sober maintenance?

Daily Mental Push-ups:

Gratitude list—Keeps me in solution and not the problem

Prayers—Keeps me in the action step of surrendering to God.

Going to a meeting— keeps in active listening to others and out of my own head

Service— Helping somebody else, strengthens my “selflessness” muscle.

What are you doing today for your spiritual fitness?

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

1 Peter 5:8

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EGO

Edging God Out

The ego is the part of you that is engaged in self-justification. Ego refers to a person's sense of self-importance or self-worth, often reflecting how we view ourselves in relation to others.

Self-contained. Self-propelled. Self-focused. Self-willed.

Me

I.

Who is that?

God reveals himself in the Bible as The Great I AM. He created us in His image to be the reflection of Himself. We are image-bearers and have the imprint of God in us.

I can never be complete until I reconnect with God. The one who stands alone in their own ego, is doomed to destruction. My ego is all about myself and my life—until I engage with God. When I do connect with God, I can become the reflection of God that I was meant to be—the image-bearer of Him. 

Then I can do His Will and serve others outside of myself. I can get out of God’s way and my own (ego) to serve others. If I stay absorbed in self, I am in my own “open-air prison.”  Until I took the alcohol, that was my separation from God, out of the equation, I was not able to step out of my own prison and ask God to help me.

When I asked for God’s help, He took the obsession for alcohol away. Staying sober now is achievable daily only with God’s help. Until I did this, I did not have complete access to the greatest power source of all. My sobriety is based upon my spiritual condition. Now, with that power, I can walk humbly with him, out of myself and be able to reach out and serve others.

I am free of me.

You can be too!

Surrender.

"He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” 

Micah 6:8

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REAR VIEW

Looking back in the rearview mirror is a good thing.

From the Promises of AA: “…we will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it…”

A woman was sharing her story in one of my regular women’s meetings. She was talking about her continuous relapse and how her husband was so exhausted by her many attempts at staying sober. She told us how after she had finally gotten sober, her husband shared with her of when he dropped her off at an AA meeting…

He watched her walk in while sitting in his car in the parking lot as she was tried to find where the meeting was. He stayed and watched from the car as a fellow member was outside the room and reached out a hand to her. She put her arm around her to guide her into the meeting as she hung her head and cried at arriving “home.” Her husband shared with her later how he felt watching that, “God was doing for you what you could not do for yourself.”

I love that story. It reminded me of my own early sobriety, when my husband was there for me helping me to find this meeting 7,746 days ago—21 years—where I was sitting hearing this story! Wow. Good rear view mirror story!

I have said many times, “If I could have gotten sober on my own, I would have!” It wasn’t until I completely surrendered my will to God and asked for help, that He relieved me of my obsession to drink. When I stopped drinking and started to live my recovery, I started to see the miracles unfold in my life. One very happy miracle was this story…

When I was one year sober, my stepson and daughter-in-law needed us to babysit our oldest grandson, who was 4-years-old at the time. It required me to drive from Aptos to Los Gatos to go pick him up and then drive back alone with him in my car. This called for a lot of trust on the part of our kids. I could not be trusted with this task one year prior, when I was drinking.

Watching my daughter-in-law install the car seat in my car and strap him in, I was overwhelmed with gratitude for them both trusting me with this precious cargo—their son. I hugged my daughter-in-law and thanked her for her trusting me to watch over her son and stay sober!

On the drive home, Ryan and I were talking. I could see him in the rear view mirror in the back seat while I was driving. I was overwhelmed at what was transpiring and began to quietly cry. He saw me crying and asked, “Gramma Heidi, why are you crying?” I told him that I was crying happy tears at having him with me in the car and being with him for the weekend.

My tears of gratitude were for the miracle of my sobriety being the reason I was in this situation. God doing for me what I could not do for myself.

Looking in my rear view mirror of my past, I got to see today, 20 years later!

My 24-year-old grandson has never seen me drink.

I am sober.

I am grateful.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”

James 1:2-4

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BE A CLOUD

In conflict—Fight or flight?

There is something in between fight or flight. A lesson I learned from my brother before I got sober. It has surfaced in my memory as a tool I use now in sobriety—Stay and be a cloud.

I have always had a hard time with conflict of any kind. Avoidance was my plan of action. In my drinking days, I would either push back, blow up the conflict and drink more—making it worse for me and for others—or just run and drink more, turning it into resentment. The trick I learned has to do with “Reacting or responding”

My brother said to me, “Heidi, be a cloud.”

What?

When someone comes at you with unwanted conflict (the storm), you can push back and react—This is how to instantly engage in the conflict. If you just listen, and don’t push back, there is no place for the aggression to land, diffusing it a bit. You can receive it and let it go and not react. When the other person realizes that you are not going to engage, the aggression blows by you like you are a cloud—you don’t have to run.

This does a few things: It diffuses the aggression and possibly makes the other person realize it is not yours to deal with, giving them a chance to own it. It gives you a minute to think of a grace-filled response—not react or engage.

I use this a lot to figure out if this conflict is mine to carry or if I can let it go, not engage and pray for that person. There is always more behind any interaction.

When I was drinking, the chaos that ensued when I engaged with that person was the cause of a lot of anxiety for me and others around me. When I took the alcohol out of the picture, I could think clearly and then know I had a choice.

After working the 12 Steps, I understood that I always have a part in whatever interaction I have. I don’t get to blame others for how it turns out for me. Now, I have tools to deal with others’ anger and my own anger, as well.

If I am the one perpetrating the aggression, I get to own it, apologize for it and restart that conversation— Step 10!

In every interaction I get to ask myself two questions in responding:

1 — What is my motivation?

2 — What are my expectations?

The answers to those two questions helps me decide how I will go forward—or not.

Try being a cloud. It works for me.

“Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”

James 1:19

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PAUSE

Pause. Breathe. Pray

I heard this acronym the other day…

P.A.U.S.E.

Postpone Action Until Serenity Emerges

In those moments, if I do this, I can assess my next move. My first thought out of anger is not the right one. It is usually a “knee-jerk reaction” and not a “thoughtful response” 

One of the biggest tricks I learned when I got sober was to press the pause button. This works for most of my destructive thoughts, actions, and behaviors, not just drinking. My brain wants to do whatever it thinks, right now—which gets me in trouble in most cases. 

When I am busy reacting and acting out of self-defense, I usually choose the wrong path. When something comes to mind, it’s not always prudent to act on it. When my behaviors are negatively impacting my day, it’s time to regroup and choose a new way.

I need to stop handing my power over to people who can’t carry it anyway. Moving forward each moment and not carrying my past with me. My past has no vote in this. Growth is not an easy path, but neither is staying stuck. Growth is the only one that gets me free. I don’t escape the past by pretending it didn’t happen. It truly shaped me and where I am now—And, I don’t have to let it define me. That pain of the past is not my identity. 

I can let that all go into God’s hands and I am free to walk a new way in each moment that presents itself. My reactions are from past hurts and experiences.

Now, my responses are healthier if I pause and breathe—then, pray for God to guide and direct my thinking, then wait patiently for clearer thinking on the next right thing to do. 

It works. Try it.

• Pause.

• Breathe.

• Pray.

Then, do the next right thing.

“The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.”

Lamentations 3:25

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STRUCK SOBER

If I could have stopped drinking on my own power, I would have.

I had tried to stop drinking over and over again for many years. I thought I “needed” alcohol. When I finally surrendered the alcohol and its hold on me to God, and asked Him to help me, He lifted that obsession.

A miracle.

I was pretty much “struck sober” 7,718 days ago. When I say struck sober, I mean that it was an instantaneous lifting of the obsession for alcohol. I had prayed for many years for God to help me stop drinking, but I really didn’t want to stop.

I had to say to God, “Ok, I am finished with this insanity. Help me. I am ready for you to take it.”

On my knees. Praying. Gone.

When days went by without drinking, then weeks, then years—I realized this was a miracle.This miracle I received was evidence that God was real.I had not done this on my own.

It opened my eyes to LOOK for the evidence of God’s miracles all around me. I just have to gather evidence. It is there. All I have to do is look to confirm—

• A sober me.

• Watching a friend get sober and stay sober.

• Death happening and not having to drink over it and showing up for another who needs me.

• Telling my sober story and having that make a difference for someone else today.

I am evidence of God’s miracles.

You can be too.

Ask for God’s help.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

Matthew 7:7

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HOLDING PATTERN

I heard somebody say this in a meeting:

“Resentments are a holding pattern for hurt.”   

Wow. Talk about a great flight analogy. We were flying high while drinking and drugging, not thinking about anything but escape. At our bottoms, we either crashed the plane, or landed it rather bumpily and jumped out of the plane thankfully, wondering where we were and how to get to safety.

Drinking and drugging are but a symptom. Once we got off that horrendous flight and we stopped that destructive behavior, we realized we are hanging onto underlying feelings, upsets and hurts that were keeping us stuck. When we take the confusion of the alcohol out of the mix, we see there is a whole flight schedule of skewed thoughts lined up that we didn’t notice before—the list is long. Our upsets, resentments and hurts soaring around in a holding pattern up there in our heads flying around.

Well, the good news is that there is a way out! So, how do we deal with those resentments? For me, it was a spiritual awakening as the result of the 12 steps. We specifically deal with our resentments in Step Four which helps us discover our part in the resentment so we can see it, then release it and eventually forgive the person we are resenting. We can’t keep ruminating on “what we THINK they have done to us.” That only poisons us! We are waiting for an apology that may never come.

After completing all of the steps, I discovered that I could STILL carry resentments for certain people. It’s not the drinking, it’s the thinking.

My sponsor pointed me to a reading in the Big Book of AA that I included below. This is a good practice and, in my experience, works.

Page 552 in the Big Book of AA

"If you have resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don't really want it for them and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it everyday for two weeks, and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate, understanding and love."

It worked for me then, and it has worked for me many times since, and it will work for me every time I am willing to work it. Sometimes I have to ask first for the willingness, but it always comes. And because it works for me, it will work for all of us. As another great man says, 'The only real freedom a human being can ever know is doing what you ought to do because you want to do it.”

The spiritual awakening part of the 12 Steps—It’s not about me. I become an instrument. I show up sober and willing and God does the rest.

I am free to soar again.

Try it.

“For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

Matthew 23:12

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RITUAL AND SPIRITUAL

I heard a sermon where the pastor pointed out that the word Ritual is within the word, Spiritual. It may be coincidental, but I found it fascinating. And, I think they are linked to each other in a powerful way, especially in my recovery.

The etymology of the word Ritual is from Latin—ritualis, from rite.

The etymology of the word Spiritual is from Latin—of breathing, of wind, from spiritus.

A breathing wind from spirit rite—prayer.

Every morning I rise early to take my dog out. I pray the Third Step Prayer for this day. Many mornings I am surprised by the joy I have just looking at the ocean waves roll in and out. I take it very personally. Nature is God’s reminder of Himself. I am thankful for this gift to remember that it’s not all about me! I need to get out of my own head first thing in the morning. It’s not about what I have to do for me in my schedule, but what I will do for others today. It is that preparing for the day. Sunrise ritual.

Another day to show up sober and serve.

Third Step Prayer: “God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always! Amen”

The line that gets me is, “Relieve me of the bondage of self,”—I actually have a physical reaction to saying this out loud. My body relaxes and peace takes its place. Whew. I can breathe. That is the spiritual part of this ritual. I believe as we practice our rituals of good habits, we grow exponentially toward our spiritual self-awareness and our purpose.

I was not big on ritual or habitual things when drinking—except when it had to do with my drinking habit, which I spent a lot of time planning. How to acquire it, drink it, then hide or get rid of the bottles afterward. Rinse and repeat. Sounds like I was good at that ritual, right? Looking back, how exhausting that was!

Now, I count on the habits and rituals I have adopted to replace the destructive cycle that does not serve me or others anymore. This is definitely the easier, softer way. In the program of recovery, it is established that once these new habits and rituals get put in place, there is a spiritual component that kicks in to carry us.

I am free—and—I need to continually let go and not try and control the outcomes in my day.

Try it.

It works for me.

“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness.”
2 Peter 1:5-6

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STILL ROW TO SHORE

There is a difference between giving up and surrendering.

BIG difference.

Giving up is all about me. If I give up, I have thrown in the towel. I can’t do it anymore and that is the end of it.

Surrender involves a partnership. Surrender means that I acknowledge there is something else out there to help me once I let go of my old ways.

God.

That doesn’t mean I have no part in it anymore. It means that I have surrendered control and now my action plan to move forward has an invisible motor—power beyond myself that will lift and carry me through my own actions.

I saw a poster once in a meeting hanging on the wall. It is of a man in a boat rowing all by himself. Water leaks into the boat from holes in the bottom making it look like he will sink. Above his head reads:

Trust in God. Below the boat it reads: And, still row to shore.

We are partners now. With God’s help and my own action steps,

I can do this life sober—not giving up, but surrendering.

Sweet surrender...

Power.

“In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.” Proverbs 3:6

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EXPAND YOUR FRAME

When you think of the word, “frame,” what do you think about?   

Framing on walls usually hold one photo or a collage or a painting…one theme or thought. It is limited in content, right? It can only hold so much inside.

When I first got sober, my sponsor used to say, “Heidi, expand your frame” She was saying this for me to look outside the way I have always seen things inside my frame of reference and try to frame it differently. For example: include other people in my consideration process.

I like to look at it visually, like the borders of a frame on the wall expanding out to include more within the box. The inside of a frame continues to be limited, expanding the frame allows for new thoughts, new ideas, new actions as responses to old habits or behaviors, to be included in my consideration. Looking from a different angle, broaden the scope of my possibilities for action. 

Framing also refers to the way we present or perceive information. It shapes our understanding and influences our reactions to various situations.The way an issue is framed can change how we view it. For example, How we frame decisions can impact our willingness to act. Positive framing can motivate us and negative framing can keep us stuck

This takes courage. 

I thought all that I was doing was working. Well, apparently not, or I wouldn’t be needing to “expand my frame”

My old frame looked like this:

"I did not think that I would be able to live my life without alcohol."

In THE PROMISES of AA it says that, “...We won’t forget the past nor wish to shut the door on it.” For me the context of my past experience, including the poor decisions and failures can ultimately lead me to better framing for future decisions.

Growth is hard and requires a little pain, a little patience, and a LOT of reliance on God. 

My new frame looks like this:

I CAN be sober and still have fun.

I CAN go to a party and not drink

I CAN live this life sober with clear thoughts and actions.

"With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

Matthew 19:26

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FOGGY LENSES

When I was drinking, it felt like I was looking at everything through foggy lenses.

At first, I was just checking out to not deal with my interpretation of what was going on. Then, after living that way in the fog for so many years, I began to think I needed alcohol to take myself down a notch to deal with things. That was just the way it was. 

I was dependent upon it to be OK—Or, so I thought. I didn’t think I could live or deal with anything without alcohol. 

Not true. But, I didn’t know another way.

We say in our program, “alcohol and drugs are but a symptom.” The alcohol that I thought was helping me deal, was just fogging my vision of the truth—keeping me in the fog. It was taking me further into darkness. 

G.K. Chesterton said this, “God is like the sun; you cannot look at it, but without it you cannot look at anything else.”

I heard a woman say in a meeting yesterday, “I can truly say that there is no spirituality without physical sobriety.”

When I fully surrendered my obsession to God, the fog lifted. My lenses cleared. I could see everything clearly and was no longer dependent on a substance that was standing in the way of God’s access to me. 

What was the way out?

Walk out of the fog.

Surrender to God.

Turn on the Light.

“But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light.”

Ephesians 5:13

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VOLUNTEER

This photo is so sweet and reminds me of how my recovery works.

I’ll tell you why.

This beautiful flower coming up between the bricks of our patio is called a “volunteer.” There is a pot with luscious soil not a foot away with that same plant flourishing in it. This little volunteer, pushed up through the bricks with minimal soil and little chance of it growing there. It was determined, despite the odds—accepting it’s conditions, admitting it was powerless over where the seed landed—sprouting in what seemed like unmanageable circumstances.

Wow.

This is Step One: “Admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable.”

I learned that what I resist, persists. Think about it. If I resist something, I have an adverse reaction—resistance. It causes me to think about it and mull it over and over in my head. I don’t get resolution about it, causing it to persist, until I accept the situation is not working and resolve it—

This is how it was with my drinking for years. I resisted loved ones’ concerns for my excessive drinking and pushed back, “I don’t have a problem. It’s under control.” So, my condition persisted.

Definition of resist: to exert force in opposition

Definition of persist: to continue to do something or to try to do something even though it is difficult or other people want you to stop

Now—I am like the flower in the hardscape. I volunteer to show up for my recovery, despite the hard conditions or circumstances that come up in my life. I am not resisting anymore or finding reasons or excuses to hide and escape from things that are hard. Or, people who are difficult. I am not resisting others’ concerns or for help they may want to give me. I have a chance of resolving it and responding in a healthy way and flourishing in my life—but, I can’t do it alone.

If I can do this life sober, so can you.

I am not saying it’s easy but it is simple. Like the flower metaphor, there are people, close by beckoning us to plant into the rich soil of a sober life, to live and to flourish among others like ourselves.

Ask for help—from others and from God.

It starts with you.

Then, volunteer to show up and help somebody else.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

Matthew 7:7

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HUMILITY

At the end of my drinking I suffered humiliation. I had embarrassment for things I had done and who I had become. I was hopeless. I found out that humility is not the same as humiliation.

Humility: Low estimate of one’s importance.

Humiliation: Feeling shame or injury to one’s dignity or self-respect.

Big difference.

I can have humility and not suffer humiliation. Being humiliated, I am stuck in victim mode, jealousy, resentment, and fear. You don’t even exist for me in that state. It’s all about me. Being humble, my ego is right-sized. I can look at others with respect and rejoice in their victories because mine are not threatened. I set aside my own ego and self-thought to make other’s needs important to me.

Today, humility is something I long for and consciously practice.

It serves me well when I am serving.

“For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

Matthew 23:12

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THE STORY

Funny, right? 

I saw this sign while shopping last week. So true. I do eat salads, but can’t share anything inspiring that happened while eating a salad.

But, my story also includes overuse of alcohol that took me to my bottom. 

Now there’s a great story.

The story isn’t the alcohol or even the trip to the bottom—The story is how my life has been transformed since taking alcohol out of the equation 7,662 days ago and surrendering to God. It is truly God’s story through me. 

When I woke up one day in the middle of the day and realized I could not do this life anymore on my own power in this broken condition, I finally surrendered to God. “Help me God. I can’t do this on my own.” 

Step One: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.” 

My life started when I admitted I was powerless. The partnership began with letting go. Not “giving up,” but surrender—big difference. I had to release control over everything in my life to God. Only then, could He come in and restore me to sanity—to break the patterns of bad behavior and be able to submit to God’s will and not my own will. It does not logically make sense, I know, but it is true—surrender to win.

I became free.

Free to choose again. The power that was there all along became accessible to me, when I moved myself out of God's way. Power to be who God meant for me to be. My will and God’s will became aligned. 

I had to take that first step of letting go of the alcohol that I thought, at first, was helping me, calming me, relieving the stress…when, in fact, it was taking me further into physical dependence upon it as I continued to repeat the pattern daily. The pattern was solidified by conforming to that solution—over and over. I was looking to the wrong source for comfort and relief. The only way to break this pattern was to surrender to God. I could not do it alone. 

When that happened, I was released from the bondage of myself and became willing to be useful again to God. I had access to Him and He had access to me. Now…

I get to:

Pray to be available for life.

Ask God to renew my mind daily.

I urge you to try it.

It works.

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Romans 12:2

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ABSOLUTES

I woke up in the hospital on my 50th birthday after seizing from DTs—obviously, I didn’t die, but I could have. I had no idea about the detox process and that when you had been drinking as much alcohol as I had, you can’t just stop cold turkey. I learned that I needed help with the withdrawal process.

While in the hospital, I answered the phone with four days of sobriety and a friend said these words, “Does this mean that you will never drink again?” My mind could not wrap around the concept of “NEVER DRINKING AGAIN.”

My alcoholic brain cannot think in terms of absolutes—ALWAYS, NEVER, FOREVER. Those concepts are too big, too overwhelming—why bother stopping? I hadn’t been able to stop drinking for even a day by this point, so “never again” seemed impossible.

If I could have stopped on my own before this point, I would have. Once I surrendered to God and asked for help, I was able to start that process in that one day.

I have to stay in today, this day, and now.

That is all I have. I will not drink today. I will decide whether to drink again tomorrow. It is still a surprise, even to myself, that I have been able to string together many days in a row like that—one day at a time—by not looking too far ahead, not regretting the past, and planting my feet firmly in today. I am grateful for 7,647 days today. In less than one month, that will be 21 years of sobriety—but I can’t get ahead of myself!

Thank you, God, for my sobriety this day.

Trust God. Don’t drink. Stay in today.

If I can do it, so can you.

“This is the day the LORD has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.”

Psalm 118:24

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NEW BEGINNINGS

It was a very emotional weekend last Sunday with the ground-breaking ceremony for a new building we are constructing at our church. This new “Hope Center” building will house our food pantry where we feed needy people in our community. Also, it will house our recovery meetings and other mental health meetings and support groups. 

I am touched and proud that our church embraces those in need and the souls willing to be transformed and used by God. 

In my many years of sobriety (7,641 days to be exact!), I have seen so many lives change and transform as they get sober and stay sober, and then help others to do the same. It is truly magic happening before our eyes. 

This dedication ceremony and ground-breaking is such a metaphor for recovery. As we go about the demolition of our lives in our addiction, we have no idea who we affect and take down with us in our destructive behaviors that play out. There is huge fall-out. Damage we need to clean up when we finally hit our bottoms and begin to reconstruct our lives in a new way.

Our new beginnings are a way of making amends to those we have harmed along our path. We get to start over. We begin to own the destruction and begin the clean up. We get to be redeemed. Be supported by others on our new journey. We get to be part of others’ new beginnings also, as we discover that in our recovery, we can be there for them. Supporting them as others supported us. Others who watched our destruction, also get to watch our reconstruction. 

Joy all around.

I am so grateful to a my church who embraces recovery and supports our groups we host there. What a privilege to be a part in that.

Come join us in your recovery journey. 

We can help build new lives together—

Your own. And, those you love.

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2

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KEEP IT SIMPLE

I have always heard in AA meetings that this is a simple program, but not easy. We need to stop the addictive behavior. Staying stopped is the “not easy” part. That requires a little work. Looking at those behaviors and replacing them with healthier choices. Establishing a new routine that supports my new life. 

Not complicated. I am the one who tends to over-complicate things. Keeping it simple is the first part of the plan for recovery. 

Like my dog, I need to listen to my Master’s voice and...

Come.

Sit.

Stay.

Listen.

Heel (heal.)

People ask me, “Heidi, why do you still go to meetings after all these years? Aren’t you cured?” I realized that a huge piece of my staying sober was connection to others. Being in meetings with others like myself, reminds me that they are doing this sober thing too. And, with each others’ help and God, we can maintain our sobriety daily. 

When I sit in the meeting rooms, I hear God talk to me through the others in the room. I go to meetings to hear God talk to ME! It’s magic. 

I always come away lifted.

Try it.

"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me”

John 10:27

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Spiritual Principles of AA

Today, I want to talk about the Spiritual Principles that go along with each step of the 12 steps—how each principle helps support addiction recovery.

Step 1: Honesty

“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.” Admitting the problem is a crucial first step. Once addicts admit their problem is out of control, they can begin to heal. The spiritual principles behind this step are honesty and acceptance.

Step 2: Hope

“Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Alcoholics Anonymous believes addicts should look to a higher power in order to recover; this higher power can be anything or anyone that works for the person. The spiritual principle behind this step is hope.

Step 3: Faith

“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of god as we understood him.” At this step, the addict fully turns to that higher power. The spiritual principle behind this step is faith.

Step 4: Courage

“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” This step can be one of the most difficult and requires soul-searching and self-examination. To make this step most effective, addicts must take an honest look at negative consequences of their behavior, including past embarrassment, regret and guilt. The spiritual principle behind this step is courage.

Step 5: Integrity

“Admitted to god, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” By admitting to the past poor behavior examined in step 4, addicts and alcoholics are able to let go of shame and guilt. The spiritual principle behind this step is integrity.

Step 6: Willingness

“Were entirely ready to have god remove all these defects of character.” At this point, addicts admit they are ready to allow their higher power to take away the wrongs they admitted in step 4. The spiritual principle behind this step is willingness.

Step 7: Humility

“Humbly ask him to remove our shortcomings”. Recovering addicts ask the higher power to eliminate character defects, which may include impulsivity, selfishness, impatience or anger. In order to do this, addicts must admit they are not strong enough to remove these character flaws on their own. The spiritual principle behind this step is humility.

Step 8: Responsibility 

“Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to all of them.” During this step, addicts make a list of all the people in their lives they have wronged as a result of their substance abuse. These wrongs could be small things, such as a white lie to hide intoxication, or big infringements, such as stealing money to buy alcohol or drugs. The spiritual principle behind this step is justice and responsibility.

Step 9: Discipline

“Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” At this stage, addicts attempt to rectify their wrongdoings by confronting the people they harmed. The conversation may take place through a written letter or email or by sitting down face to face. The spiritual principle behind this step is self-discipline.

Step 10: Perseverance 

“Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” It’s never easy to admit you’re wrong, but this step requires it. Addicts must commit to monitoring themselves for behaviors that could harm themselves or someone else and to freely admit when they are wrong. The spiritual principle behind this step is perseverance.

Step 11: Awareness

“Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with god, as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.” As part of this step, recovering addicts must commit to some form of spiritual practice. This practice can come in many different forms, including meditation, prayer or reading the Bible once a day. The spiritual principle behind this step is awareness.

Step 12: Service

“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” This final step encourages people in recovery to go on to sponsor others once they themselves have completed the 12 steps. By giving away the gift of recovery, they are better able to keep it themselves. The spiritual principles behind this step are love and service. 

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”

Galatians 5:22-23 

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BEGINNING TODAY

I have never been particularly good at “endings” in general. Goodbyes are always hard. In every way. Death for me is in that category.

Death took me to my bottom. The end of my drinking.  

The end of my drinking was the beginning of my sobriety. I have been sober many days in a row since that bottom and have not felt the need to drink over the deaths I have experienced since getting sober 7,620 days ago (Over 20 years). I have experienced many deaths, humans and dogs, along the way and know that now, I don’t have to drink over it. I know it can be done.

I like beginnings. They are all about hope for the future. Weddings. Beginning relationships, births, sunrises, being sober each day.

There is a place in between endings (past) and beginnings (future), called “the present” where I find it hard to stay some times. It’s one of the reasons we talk about One-Day-At-a-Time in recovery. I don’t want to stay stuck in the past and how I was dealing with life with drinking or chaos as part of the solution. I don’t know what the future holds either, but I can begin in today, arranging my life a little differently. Making better choices to support myself in today. Planning for the future in a healthy way and trusting God for the outcome and how it may turn out.

How do I do that?

I look for the constants in my life. And those are confirmed in “The Promises” of our recovery program below:

The Promises

"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not.

They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we trust God and work for them."

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