In a meeting, I heard a woman say in her story, “If I had I known that was my last drink, I would have had another” That is something only an alcoholic would say.
I can identify with that logic. Logic? That is not logic—that is insane thinking. I was not insane, but I was not of sound mind. I was in the logic of denial.
I thought that alcohol was my security blanket. I needed it. It was safety. What I thought I knew worked for me. Having another drink was my solution. It kept my mind flattened, dull, and not thinking. There couldn’t be another solution—Alcohol was what I knew worked for me.
Until it didn’t.
When the alcohol didn’t work for me anymore, in fact, it started working against me—I was at a turning point. Keep going and die, or try another way.
Another way was surrender: Fear. Unknown. Scary.
I had to start trusting in a power outside myself for help. “Myself” was not cutting it. It was self-centered fear. I needed more than me. "God help me. I can’t do this alone.” That was my prayer 7,591 days ago. That was the beginning of my sobriety.
I had tried for 30 years to stop on my own. I could not. If I could have done it on my own power, I would have. I had to surrender my will and life over to God and trust that He could help me do this life without alcohol.
He did.
The funny thing about God is that you have to actually do this “trust” thing for it to work. Not just think about it, try harder, or say you will eventually trust God—You need to do it now for things to change.
Trust me.
It works.
You won’t regret it.
"He must become greater; I must become less.”
John 3:30
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