We are not cured.
But, we are freed up.
I have had people ask me, “Heidi, why do you still call yourself an alcoholic when you don’t drink anymore?”
Because we are never cured of this disease—dis-EASE. Admitting to myself that drinking is not my solution anymore, keeps me in today. It is a process. I get to continue this path of sobriety and protect it like I would my physical condition with exercise. I need to do something every day to exercise and maintain my sobriety to keep it strong.
Meeting and connecting with others is one of the best ways of doing that. I have never been comfortable calling alcoholism a disease. But I do know that when you have a disease, you have to actively treat it. Some diseases have a cure, but this disease does not. It is a lifelong effort of treatment for me. I have a dis-EASE with others and with life. My tendency is to check out or withdraw. That is not a treatment solution. My treatment involves reconnecting and engaging with life that helps me not withdraw and check out.
My saying that “I am an alcoholic in recovery,” says to others that I am like them and we are on this path of recovery together. We can’t do it alone. My thinking is still flawed. Talking with others and getting crazy thoughts out of my head and onto paper, helps me organize my thoughts. Helps me decide which of those thoughts serve me and which don’t—that I can discard. Saying it out loud in meetings helps take the power out of it for me.
I have little phrases or mantras to keep me focused. One of them is “look up.” I can get focused on obsessing about all I am doing, staying self-centered. Or I can look up and around me where I might be of service to another, taking the focus off of me. Then, I look up further to focus on God and what is not mine to fix or change—”pray up.” Praying for God’s will for me and asking for the power to carry that out.
Another phrase I use on myself is, “just show up.” Sometimes I don’t want to be with people or I don’t feel “on” so I want to cancel a commitment. I can’t. That starts the process backward of hiding or checking out. I have to show up, whether I want to or not. Sometimes it is just what I need to stay sober and reconnect for that day.
I am not cured or fixed. I am still working on me. God is working on me. The difference now is that I am not drinking and fully present for that to happen. Try these treatments that I use, for yourself today.
Look up.
Show up.
Meet up.
Pray up.
“Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security.”
Jeremiah 33:6
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