Very recently, I lost my brother and then, my dog, ten days later. Both were struggling with their bodies not working anymore. Loss is hard in any case. The tears have been nonstop. I am grappling with holding Joy and Sadness in the same space. As a friend said to me, “It’s amazing how God created us to be able to hold seemingly contradictory emotions inside us at the same time.”
So true.
And, my nephew said to me, “I do believe this is where the Holy Spirit comes through as our comforter and gives us assurance that we humans don’t know how to give to one another.” he also said, “Roger was the quietest in the room and yet everyone was drawn to him.”
I could say that about both Roger AND my dog, Dash, my quiet boys—exuding love without words most of the time (Dash, all of the time.) My older brother, always there by my side. My dog, always there by my feet.
There is a Hebrew word from the Bible that describes this kind of love—Hesed—Steadfast. Devoted. Loyal. Unending love.
My recovery story includes two deaths (dog and human) taking me to my bottom almost 20 years ago…putting my 16-year-old dog, Willy, to sleep and within a month, experiencing the death of a family member being killed in Afghanistan. After losing those two, I drank—never drawing a sober breath until July 12th 2004, when I got sober.
Drinking was my answer to the pain of loss then. Here I am now, again—
Drinking is NOT my answer now.
I know what to do now. Pray and stay connected to others. Let myself feel the sadness and the joy of the memories.
I know God has us covered and I feel peace. I CAN walk through this without checking out. I want to feel all of the emotions and crushing sadness because it is proof of the love I had for them both. Different kinds of love, but the sting of loss feels the same.
Pressing through the sadness to get to remembering the memories of joy they both brought to my life. Learning to hold joy and sadness together in the same space...
Not checking out.
Running to the comfort of God.
If I can do this, so can you.
“For we walk by faith, not by sight. We are confident, yes well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.”
2 Cor. 5:7-8
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