I don’t often have “drinking dreams” anymore, where I am drinking in the dream and wake up in a panic thinking that I have relapsed. The other day, I had a dream that I was drinking.
Hmmm... This causes me to review in my waking hours, what is causing me anxiety.
When I asked my sponsor to work with me early in sobriety and be my sponsor, the first thing she did was sit me down and talk about relapse. What? Arrogantly, I told her I was not going to relapse—that I was finished drinking and was sure of it.
She then said, “Relapse is not when you take that first drink again. It is about all of the behaviors that lead up to you taking that final step of drinking again. That is what I want to help you with in sponsoring you. Identifying all things leading up to the actual drinking part.”
Oh. That makes perfect sense.
Retrain my brain—heading my mind off at the pass, so-to-speak.
RELAPSE definition: (of someone suffering from a disease) suffer deterioration after a period of improvement.
One of the triggers for me is shame of my past behaviors. I can get stuck there. Worry, mull it over, beat myself up over how I should not have done this or that. In our literature, we read The Promises. In the middle of this reading is says, “we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.” This tells me that I have to remember what I did, so I don’t repeat that behavior. Also, in remembering it, I get to be thankful for how far I have come. The past brought me here. I say I am an Alcoholic In Recovery because it is acknowledging in those three words the past, present and future:
Alcoholic (past)
In (present—the process now)
Recovery (future—the path forward)
Hopefully, my life is lived now in light of my life verse below—with intention—to keep me from going into relapse-mode:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7
Try praying this verse.
Be thankful.
Have peace for today.
Click on my books below to buy.
