I was talking to one of my nurse friends the other day about service to others. I listen carefully when she talks about nursing, as she does this for a profession. We were talking specifically about helping others in recovery.
It is tricky.
As we recover in our own ways, it’s natural to see others struggling in their addictions and recovery along the way and want to help them. The tricky part is being available for them without stepping over the line and wanting to “do it for them.” Someone described co-dependency to me as, “helping at the expense of myself.” That’s not helping if I lose myself in the process. Over the line. They have to do the work part of it. I am just there to support.
I have never been good at going to the doctor, nor asking for help. When I do finally ask for help, I am still reluctant to listen to the advice. Stubborn. I think my ways are working. Ha ha. Obviously not. I wouldn’t be asking for help if my ways were working, right?
With that in mind, I know what I did when I first got sober and it worked for me— Surrender to God, go to meetings and learn what was working for others, stay connected, pray and keep showing up for myself and others for the learning process. I wanted to shout it from the mountaintops, “ This stuff is working!"”
And—they have to realize that for themselves. I can’t do it for them. They will continue to have their excuses until they realize those excuses aren’t working. I can just come alongside and be there when they are ready to be helped.
In our program we have a concept called, “cleaning up our own side of the street.” In other words, staying in your own lane. They are watching. They will see how to do it from our actions. When they ask for help, we can step in.
My nurse friend said to me, “I am trained in wound-care. I know how to dress the wound. I can show up with all the right tools, disinfectant, balm and band-aids and be ready. It won’t help them heal if they are not willing to do their part of the work to be treated and healed. It’s a process and I am there to show them how. It’s important for me to realize that I am not in charge of what’s under the Band-Aid. That responsibility lies with their higher power.”
Wow. I was struck by the great analogy for me to serve when asked. I am now being trained in “wound care” also, as I have experienced the process of recovery. It is ongoing and I continue to learn about the process each day.
I am continuously reminded that:
Others need to want it for themselves MORE than I want it for them.
Be willing to serve when asked for help.
Share what works for me and let them discover.
"One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?” “Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.” Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked."
John 5:5-8
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