A recovery friend sent me an article about how dogs can teach us about conflict resolution. My pastor also preached on conflict resolution this weekend, talking about ways to deal with it. So, I guess I needed to blog about it too.
The article talked about how the author got sucked into a conflict with another dog owner at the dog park by charging back at him defensively, much likes dogs snarling at each other— instead of just walking away—not taking on what wasn’t his to carry.
I was just having this conversation with a woman the other day. I said to her the best way that I know, when someone comes at me with really high emotion (and, I know that it is not me)—
Don’t engage.
Engagement is when the battle starts and then escalates. No thinking, only reacting in anger. Peace can not come in the middle of the battle. As my pastor said, “Anger is intoxicating.” He suggested, we need to:
• Delay it.
• Take a break and calm down.
• Step out of the center of the equation and get out of victim.
• Look at why I reacted, my triggers.
• Be unprovokeable by walking away without reacting.
When I was drinking and full of my own pride, all of these suggestions went out the window. Now, in sobriety, these techniques protect me and allow me to calm down. Peace can only come when I can communicate without emotion and tell the truth with nothing added.
So hard, but worth it.
Peace through strength.
Walk away.
“Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
Hebrews 12:14-15
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