"You didn’t cause it, can’t control it, and can’t cure it.”
The Three Cs. This is an Al-anon slogan. I love this because it is so true and gives me great comfort, when I say it out loud—then believe it.
Al-anon is a support group for those whose lives have been affected by the alcohol (or drug use) of another person. Alcohol and drugs do not just affect the person who is active in their addiction—it affects all those around them as well. This pretty much covers everybody, right? I would be willing to bet that everybody knows an addict/alcoholic or is related to one. It is that widespread.
When I first got sober, I was happy to be in AA and around other alcoholics who thought like me and who had similar experiences like me. About three years into my sobriety, my sponsor suggested I attend an al-anon meeting because I had other addicts/alcoholics in my family. I went to one and immediately did not like it. It felt like they were sitting around talking about me, ha ha. Well, they were! They were talking about the addict/alcoholic in their life.
What I didn’t realize until after I stayed a while, is that I didn’t like it because they were talking about all the things that I had done to the people in my life while I was active in my drinking. I had to look at how my behaviors affected all those around me that I loved. It gave me a great perspective on what they were all thinking and feeling. The powerlessness they felt over the situations I was causing.
Now, when I look at a chaotic situation in my life that involves an addict/alcoholic, I automatically go to, “How did this happen? Is it my fault? How can I fix this?” None of those are helpful questions for a solution, and usually only heighten existing tensions. That’s why this phrase of the three Cs is so important. It puts the situation in the right perspective and light and takes the pressure off of the one trying to support.
In response to the chaos the person in my life is creating, I came up with a mantra for myself: “Hands off, look up.” This photo represents how I feel when I do this. Peace and freedom. The mantra causes me to pause and to stop focusing on the problem, then look up and pray for guidance, peace and solution for that moment. That’s it. I am praying Peace and Freedom for you in this practice. It usually works.
Hands off, look up.
Peace and Freedom.
Try it.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7
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