When I arrived at my first AA meeting, I had stopped drinking. They told me that I was going to feel better.
Well, I did physically start to feel better...
What they meant was that I was going to “feel” better—feel my feelings better. Those feelings would be right there, not numbed by alcohol. I didn’t know how to do that at first. Alcohol took the edge off of all of my emotions—sadness, anger, upset and even my joy. I didn’t have that option anymore, now that I had taken alcohol out of the equation.
I was able to feel my feelings for the first time without alcohol. New territory. There is “the other side” of those feelings. The trick was how to get there. I had always gone around my emotions or anxious thoughts by drinking, not really dealing with them. Just pushing them out to deal with later.
Or not.
Turns out, the way out for me, was pressing through it. Sometimes just sitting in a meeting and listening to others share their experience, their strength and their hope that they could choose not to drink today—just today—even in high-stress situations they were dealing with—made me feel like I might be able to do it too.
I heard a woman share that she was very anxious about going to a wedding the following weekend. How was she going to do that and not drink??
She had a plan.
Go with a sober friend for support. Water in hand at all times, and when it was going to turn into drunken crazy, have an exit plan. In our meeting the next week, she shared with us that she was soooo excited that she made it through her first wedding without drinking! She described it as a miracle.
It was a miracle because she was letting God do for her what she could not do for herself. We go through each experience one time without alcohol to know that we can. Having the experience of doing it successfully once, gives us the hope that it can be done again. One-day-at-a-time—sometimes one-minute-at-a-time, with all of our emotions that pop up. Showing up as our raw selves.
The connection with others and hearing their stories is so helpful to me. That’s why meetings work. I don’t have to do it alone. Also, being able to speak at a meeting and share it out loud, takes the power out of the crazy thought that is living in my head. Turns out, others have thought that, too. Not crazy.
Feeling a part of others and not separating in isolation helps. Praying to God for help in letting go of the things I cannot control—helps too.
Try these three things:
Go to a meeting and listen.
Share at meeting level.
Pray and let go of control.
I think you will start to feel better—just for today.
“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”
1 Corinthians 10:13
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