I heard a friend in a meeting share about what her sponsor told her when she first got sober.
“You’re going to feel better.”
I had heard the same thing when I got sober. I had been feeling really bad for a long time by the end of my drinking. So, hearing those words, was comforting.
Well, l think she did mean that literally—that I would feel better after taking alcohol out of the equation. But the true meaning was in “feeling your feelings better.”
Oh, that part.
That’s the part I was trying to avoid with the drinking in the first place. Duh.
When we sober up, all those pesky feelings about everything come up again. We feel it all now—resentment, frustration, sadness, anger, joy, happiness. The difference now is that I have learned how to deal with the feelings and heal. As my friend said it—
Feel. Deal. Heal.
I was always a “feeler” and known as the one who would cry at the drop of the hat. If I felt anything that was the slightest bit emotional, family and friends would look over at me and say, “there she goes…” After that I learned to stuff my feelings because I didn’t want to be the cry baby. Later, with alcohol, the emotions weren’t there at all. Just checked out bliss. I didn’t have to think about it—or deal with it.
The 12 steps helped me with the “deal with it” part. How to process resentments, let myself feel the sadness, which took me to anger and then, most importantly, to acceptance. I used to think of acceptance as “putting up with” and now I view it differently. Taking this world as it is, not as I would have it. That’s acceptance.
The healing started when I was able to look at my part in any situation and deal with it right away, rather than stuff it and build a resentment. Sometimes it is just to cry and let the tears flow. Crying is healing. It is the phyisical manifestation of emotions letting loose from your body. The relief that is felt when you let the tears flow begins the process toward healing.
Today:
I am feeling everything.
I am dealing with it all.
I am healing.
“God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always! Amen”
The Third Step Prayer
Click on my books below to buy.
