Ever feel like nobody is listening? Reminds me of when a stand-up comedian waits for a joke to land and then… silence. Then, the comic might tap the mic and ask, “Is this thing on?”
We can’t hear anything when we are deep in our addiction. That’s how powerful it is. It shuts our ears, so that no good information is received. No matter how hard we try and how much people love us, our poor decisions continue. We don’t hear any of it. I know that was true for me until I decided to surrender my will.
I heard a woman say in her story while sharing the other day, “I’m not stupid. I was just doing stupid stuff.” We are not bad people, we’re just doing bad behavior.
When I was early in sobriety, I started sponsoring other women. I was so excited to help somebody and teach them what I had learned on how to stay sober and live a full life again. When one of the women I was sponsoring relapsed, I took great offense. Like it happened to ME! What did I do wrong? What could I have done to make them NOT relapse? I asked my sponsor these questions and she said, “Heidi, you’re not that powerful.”
Wow.
I got it right away. I couldn’t be told either. Until I was ready to hear. My God heard my cry when I was ready and asked for help. That’s the surrender part. When I finally surrendered to God what I was trying to do for myself, the magic started to happen. Then, I could start to show up for meetings and for other people. I could start hearing what I needed to hear.
The process is sometimes long and arduous. Our bottoms come when they do, not when others think it should happen. No shame. When our solutions—drugs or alcohol—stop working for us, we can surrender ourselves to the process. That is when the healing begins. Our ears and eyes open to new possibilities and solutions we have not considered before.
To the one who supports the addict: Even when it seems your support, love and words are not heard, they are seeds being planted. Don’t give up on them—keep praying and stay hopeful. As my sponsor also said, “They have to want their sobriety MORE than you want it for them."
To the addict: Until we are ready to surrender and to finally know that we can’t do sobriety on our own— that our solutions aren’t working—we won’t hear. Only when we step out of the darkness and into the light of surrender, do we get our mic-drop moment—The Victory.
We need others’ help and God’s help. Key factors in sobriety.
Join me in sobriety.
Come. Sit. Stay.
Listen. Hear.
“Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear.”
Mark 4:9
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