When I was in the last of my drinking days, I thought I was pretty good at hiding how much I was drinking.
Apparently not.
This cartoon reminds me of a conversation I had with my husband in the days leading up to my bottom. We were both trying to lose weight. It was the holidays and close to the new year of 2004. He was resolving to eat less sweets and soda. I was resolving to drink less beer, which included putting gin in my beer to get me drunk faster and consume less calories while doing so.
Sounds like a great plan, eh?
So, I asked him one day, “How is that chocolate chip cookie and coke diet working for you?” To which he replied, “Great. How is that beer and gin diet working for you?”
I froze.
I was mortified that he knew. I had no idea he knew how I was staying drunk on less beer. Hiding. I was obviously not hiding it from him. Of course, that didn’t make me practice this behavior less. I just chose to ignore it—until soon after that, I stopped the beer altogether and started drinking straight gin. Gin in my water bottle.
Hiding in plain sight.
My addiction sped up. It turned out to be a good thing and took me to my bottom faster. When I finally decided to stop, my body wouldn’t let me. Cold turkey was not an option for this body. After almost seizing and dying in the hospital, I woke up and realized why people go to detox. I had no idea my body had become that addicted and needed the straight alcohol at that point.
Everybody is different on levels of alcohol and stopping—withdrawal. What isn’t different is that other help is needed to stay stopped. If I could have stopped on my own before that point, I would have. I needed to completely surrender to God and then reach out for help from others in the form of meetings and finding a sponsor.
You can do this, I know.
If I did it, you can do it.
I’m here to help.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
1 John 1:9
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