I heard somebody speak the other day that put these two words in perspective for me.
He said, “Hardship isn’t the same thing as victimhood. Hardship is something you encounter. Victimhood is a choice you make.”
Wow. This is so true.
I used to drink over “hard stuff”—things for which I didn’t have an answer. Oh well. I just won’t think about that and drink. That’ll solve it. No. That only puts off what I will inevitably need to deal with at a later point in time.
I was choosing victimhood. This happened to me. It’s not my fault. I am in the clear. I am the victim here. Justified and righteous anger.
Uh, no.
When I got a sponsor and started working the 12 steps, I started looking inside of me to clean up what was not working. Living in this world requires interaction with others and I can “react” or “respond.” Reaction for me is a knee-jerk action. Sometimes it’s instantly resisting it and being negative or I can choose to—pause, pray and respond in a healthy way.
The 12 Steps, especially Step Four really helped me with this process: “Made fearless and moral inventory of ourselves.” Then in Step 5, I got to tell that all to my sponsor. She helped me sort through my experiences and see what was mine to own and what was not—What is my part in this?
She had me make a grid that had columns—
• The person for whom I had a resentment.
• What the resentment was about.
• How it affected me.
• My part in it.
• Action to take.
When I wrote this out, I realized that some things just happen. We encounter hardships in life. It is how we process and respond to life that determines the quality of our life and interactions with others going forward. I knew that I was not a victim. I CHOSE to surrender to God and He helped me stop drinking—literally lifted my obsession. In that moment I stepped into ownership of my life again and a renewed partnership with God.
My relationship with God is key. I have a big part in that. I surrender to God, even in my fears—AND, I still have to do the footwork. I show up for God’s will, even in hardship. God even says that we will have troubles in this life—and He promises peace if we trust in Him!
I am not a victim.
I will trust God.
I will show up sober for it all—even the hard stuff.
“Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord.” Lamentations 3:40
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
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