In the days leading up to my sobriety birthday, I kinda went temporarily insane.
I forgot how to do life and what works for me now that I am sober. Ha. I DO know it’s one day at a time, but I get into future-tripping and caught in “What ifs?” that have nothing to do with where God wants me today. Completely zoomed out to such a bigger picture that I cannot control or understand. God’s job.
Monday night I got to tell my story of redemption through God’s saving me of my addictions and compulsions 6,211 days ago. I got to remember how I went to my bottom of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. How in one moment, God plucked me out of the pit and set me on a new path. One of HIS choosing, not my own. My purpose redefined and reinstalled, just by staying in this day and in this moment. Zooming back down to where I actually am.
So, my old behaviors are to RUN, FREEZE, NOT SHOW UP, LASH OUT, All behaviors that are destructive, not only for me, but for everyone around me. Just like when I was drinking, I thought I wasn’t hurting anybody, just myself. When in reality, I was hurting everybody within arm’s length—especially the people I most Love.
Surrender is my best defense against myself and Self Will. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I might better do thy will. TODAY—That’s all I have. Yes, we have to remember the past but I don’t need to be stuck there. I have come so far in this recovery journey, 6211 days in a row, showing up sober, which still surprises me. Seventeen years scares me and it should. I am not collecting years. This is the day to celebrate my sobriety and yours. I am available now for you and for God to use me, not by MY will but His.
Recently, I asked a dear friend what his purpose was...he said, “to be a blessing.”—so good.
God saved me from my own (unavailable) self to know that I can now be available at any moment to be a blessing to another who is struggling.
Be a blessing to someone today.
Just show up.
God will do the heavy-lifting.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
2 Corinthians 12:9
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