I heard a woman share the other day in a meeting that she spent most of her life in either cocky or fearful. That struck a chord with me. Those two extremes can both bring trouble. It also reminds me of something else I heard when newly sober, “an alcoholic is an egomaniac with an inferiority complex.” Same concept. Both expressions I can apply to my life.
I am not sure that’s where I am supposed to be—on either end of that spectrum. I have spent many days in sobriety searching for that middle ground of not being arrogant and not being in fear. The only way I am able to get there is to surrender. When I control things I always end up at either end of the scale and I don’t have peace. When I surrender to God, I don’t have to be at either end of that.
Magically, I am at peace when I don’t fight anymore and let God have it. All of it.
I know for sure, that I don’t want to head toward pain. But some pain I do need to press through to get out of fear and closer to peace. Arrogance or cockiness is just a cover for my fear. “I’m ok, look at me, I am strong and proud.”
Not!
I heard this said, “In our addiction we go through unnecessary pain to avoid necessary pain.”
The only way to heal is to face the necessary pain head on. Scary, but necessary to have any growth.
My pastor preached a sermon recently on “fearing the Lord, not man.” And, by “fear of the Lord,” it means to be in awe of the raw power of God that we can connect to when we surrender to God and let him be in charge—like the awe we feel when we see a striking sunset like the one pictured above.
My pastor does this exercise that makes it really clear and real. He says, ok, everybody point up and say “God.” and then we point to ourselves and say, “NOT.”— and he has us do that with him a few times. We all laugh and giggle together, but it really is that simple.
Surrender. Period.
I need to repeat this exercise when I am feeling fearful at all or feeling like, “I got this, I’m in control.”
Try it. It works.
“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.”
James 4:10
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