I woke up in the hospital on my 50th birthday after seizing from DTs—obviously, I didn’t die, but I could have. I had no idea about the detox process and that when you had been drinking as much alcohol as I had, you can’t just stop cold turkey. I learned that I needed help with the withdrawal process.
While in the hospital, I answered the phone with four days of sobriety and a friend said these words, “Does this mean that you will never drink again?” My mind could not wrap around the concept of “NEVER DRINKING AGAIN.”
My alcoholic brain cannot think in terms of absolutes—ALWAYS, NEVER, FOREVER. Those concepts are too big, too overwhelming—why bother stopping? I hadn’t been able to stop drinking for even a day by this point, so “never again” seemed impossible.
If I could have stopped on my own before this point, I would have. Once I surrendered to God and asked for help, I was able to start that process in that one day.
I have to stay in today, this day, and now.
That is all I have. I will not drink today. I will decide whether to drink again tomorrow. It is still a surprise, even to myself, that I have been able to string together many days in a row like that—one day at a time—by not looking too far ahead, not regretting the past, and planting my feet firmly in today. I am grateful for 6353 days today.
Thank you, God, for my sobriety this day.
Trust God. Don’t drink. Stay in today.
If I can do it, so can you.
“This is the day the LORD has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.”
Psalm 118:24
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