I don’t know about you, but ALL of my character defects are coming to the forefront right now in this time of isolation. Not just a few, but ALL of them—
Fear, loss, self-pity, judging others (and myself), sadness, and trying to fix—control.
The last one being the most dangerous for me. When I feel helpless, or hopeless, my tendency is to try and DO SOMETHING to fix it—Control things. Get on the hamster wheel in my brain and RUN. Run from the feelings, run from the anxiety, run from the fear and sadness, Run into busy-ness.
I go into thoughts like, “You should do this...” and, “You should do that...”
How about no.
My suggestions to myself are usually wrong. In the program we call it getting a case of the “You shoulds.” The next thing I hear my fellow recovery people say is, “Hey, don’t should on yourself.”
I giggle every time I hear this because I am really good at this, “should-ing” on you and “should-ing” on me—judgement. Who am I to judge either of us? Who does it help?
Alcohol used to be the way I shut off the hamster wheel in my brain. Drinking is not an option for me anymore, so what do I do to replace that behavior?
Sometimes something. Sometimes nothing. Almost always it requires getting out of my head—Most times requiring action— praying for my mind to stop thinking of “what if’s,” walking the dog, talking to a fellow recovery friend, attending an online Zoom meeting, getting into service for somebody else, writing a gratitude list—Just a few suggestions for my running brain.
This hamster photo is me. Getting out of the wheel of what it used to be like and embracing the new. I don’t know what that looks like sometimes, especially in today’s circumstances. But, I do know that I still can choose what next right action to take. My friends are still there. The world is still here. Nature is vibrant and alive blooming in Spring.
I am alive and grateful for whatever is next.
Get off the wheel and join me.
You should :-)
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
Philippians 4:8
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