I was wrecked but nobody knew. Shipwrecked. Finished. I knew, and yet I continued drinking a while longer. I was hiding in plain sight for as long as I could. Thinking I had control. Thinking I was fooling you into believing I had control. I wasn’t fooling anybody but myself. Making sure I made you think my inside matched my outside. They didn’t match. I was drinking right in front of you.
Hiding my gin in a water bottle, going undetected and unsuspected.
Not.
The evidence was my behavior. Still going on my own power, yet running on nothing but fumes. Flammable fumes.
A friend asked me recently, “What does your boat look like now?”
“Huh?”
“Are you taking care of your boat? Cleaning off the barnacles? Making sure no water is in the bottom? Do you always have a plan and a map, or are you sailing where the wind takes you instead of letting God’s breath fill your sails?”
All questions I had not asked. Wow. I realized when I finally surrendered to God, that I was letting God’s breath fill my sails. I could sail in freedom knowing that wherever I was, that is where God wanted me. The hard part was keeping my eyes open to see what God had placed before me. Now that I am sober, I can do that. I can notice everything.
I can see you. You can see me. My eyes are wide open and I like the visual before me.
I don’t have to hide right in front of you anymore. I am in the light.
Come into the light with me.
“For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.”
Luke 8:17
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