The first women’s recovery meeting I walked into in when I got sober, I was definitely home. All of the women said out loud what I was thinking. They WERE me. There was a beautiful woman there who had close to 40 years of sobriety. A beautiful, charming, wise, woman. She brought sunshine and joy when she showed up.
She was an angel. Some know who I am talking about.
Her words ring in my head today. She said the most amazing things that I remembered and carried with me. How could this beautiful and “together” woman be an alcoholic? I wanted what she had. I looked forward to when she would share each time and then laugh, smile, and cry on the way home thinking about what she’d said—and her. How did she stay sober that long? One day at a time, of course. Her spirit and light lives in me and sits there in the room with me even now. She keeps me coming back even though she is gone. God was shining through her and is now shining through me. She was my sponsor’s sponsor, so, she was my grand sponsor. Delightful lineage.
One of the funniest (and wisest) things she said was, “When you’re standing in a bucket of crap, don’t jump up and down.”
It made everyone laugh in the room. I was laughing too. Confused, at first, why she said that in an meeting for alcoholics, but now, it makes perfect sense.
A great metaphor for my life. I spent so much time jumping up and down in the bucket in my drinking days. The drama of it all, you know? If I accidentally stepped into the bucket of crap, I would ask, “Why me? and complain about poor me...and pour me another drink”— and off I went drinking to deal with it, fix it— (translation: make it worse.)
In sobriety, I have a new perspective. I have learned how to stand still in the bucket of crap, weigh the situation, not react, but respond calmly. Now, I ask, “ok, what’s the next right thing for me to do?” After I have paused and prayed, I call a few buddies in recovery, including my sponsor, go to a meeting or two or three—then I am able to confidently step out of the bucket and keep walking forward. I didn’t say it was easy, but behaviors can change. Stuff happens. It’s our response to it that makes the difference for us and for others. We do have the ability to change.
The “not jumping up and down” is the key to my sanity and serenity when I face dilemmas now.
At the end of the meeting when we would hold hands and say the Lord’s Prayer, we would always shout together, “Keep coming back, it works!” Instead, she would always say, rather loudly,
“Keep coming back, I NEED YOU!”
Today, I am jumping up and down less.
Today, I am praying I might be somebody else’s angel, like this special woman was to me.
Today, I keep coming back because I need you!
“Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.”
Hebrews 13:2
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